| Posting on Livejournal? Bree, This is for you. |
[04 Jul 2007|01:43pm] |
k so yesterday i'm on the subway going to the Eaton Centre and i'm reading that free newspaper, Metro.
I get to the horoscopes and I read mine.
"Keep a first aid kit handy."
fuck
I work as a swimming instructor, kids get cut n shit always. And what if they drown. fuck fuck fuck.
At work I'm SO CAUTIOUS. I'm fuckin' watching everyone and everything. Keeping an eye out, but it turns out okay.
So i go to Kendal's house with Josh D. and Jesse and we chill it out old school.
In the morning, we wake up, I'm getting out of bed and as I'm leaving the top bunk, my head hits the ceiling fan.
bloooood.
and there was no first aid kit handy.
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| Team: Mookie |
[25 Feb 2007|09:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
This is my band, check us out. We are quite good (i think)
www.myspace.com/teammookie
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| These Facts are Factual |
[25 Nov 2006|02:16am] |
- Blue Whales - the largest mammal on earth
- The loudest animal sound is made by blue whales, and it can be detected 530 miles away.
- The blue whale has a heart that weighs 1,300 lbs and beats only about 10 times per minute, as compared to the average human of 70 beats per minute
- In a day the blue whale calf drinks approximately 130 gallons of milk.
- A blue whale's testicles are as large as a Volkswagen beetle, and a small child could crawl through their major arteries.
- A blue whale's tongue is so large that fifty people could stand on it.
- A blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant.
- The blue whale is the fastest growing organism in the animal and plant kingdom.
- The blue whale is the loudest animal on the earth. Its whistle can reach up to 188 decibels.
- The blue whale's tail can generate 500 horsepower.
- Gray whales migrate 12,000 miles each year, farther than any other mammal.
- A whale's penis is called a dork.
- In years past, spermaceti oil – from the sperm whale – was used as transmission oil in Rolls-Royce automobiles.
- Orcas (killer whales), when travelling in groups, breathe in unison.
- Absurd U.S. law: It is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma. (Oklahoma is landlocked)
- Groupings: "a pod of whales"; "a gam of whales"
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| The Greatest Prank Ever (A Novella in Four Parts) |
[10 Sep 2006|11:03pm] |
|
I
Here's a little bit of background, folks. I got elected, among with many of my chums, to my high schools executive student council. One of our many responsibilities is to handle registration at our school. On this stretch of two days hundreds of people come in to give us money in exchange for things which range from agendas and student cards to abstract concepts such as "myblueprint.ca logins" and "communication fees."
All this money was the responsibility of a one Sean "ChubbChubb" Stefanik, our schools Treasurer. Tens of thousands of dollars in the hands of a small little boy with heavy shoulders.
The job was handled, the year before, by a nice fellow who goes by the name of Adam Saperia. He figured that he could save time in handling all the money if he spent hours and hours messing with Microsoft Excel writing an extremely elaborate program which handled all money, figured where it would go to, and kept accurate records of everything. This program would save ChubbChubb an approximate ten hours of work and possibly prevent his lifespan from being shortened significantly. The only known copy of this program existed in the form of ones and zeros on a floppy disk entrusted to Sean. Beyond that, no one except Adam Saperia could recreate the program on the disk, and he had spent countless hours writing it. This was a disk Sean kept with him, within sight, at all times.
This is where I come in.
II
Someone on BOSS came up with the brilliant idea of making silly black polo shirts with our names, logos and positions on the back. I had created the logo and had emailed it to myself but had no media to store it on. We asked the secretaries if they had a floppy disk and they searched and searched only to come up empty. I eyed Sean and requested use of his. I mean, come on, I can be trusted to keep it safe for 20 hours until it would be needed again, right?
Chubbs was less enthusiastic. "No!" he proclaimed "No, a hundred million times no." Nicole did her best to convince him otherwise but Sean would not budge. It wasn't until the entire council guilt tripped him until he dropped the disk into Nicole's hands, under the presumption that she would keep hold of it, never let me touch it, keep it safe and return it first thing the next morning.
Immediately after recieving the disk it was dropped into my hands and it took no time at all until I was throwing it around juggling with it, slapping it on things, and biting on it. Sean was not impressed. In fact, he turned bright red, looked extremely angry and left the main office. What a kidder I am, eh?
We used the disk for it's purposes and I was set to return it the next morning when I came up with a brilliant idea. I will take a replica disk, rig it so that when dropped or thrown it explodes into a million peices and then sit back as Chubbs freaks out.
Brilliant, I must say.
III
The next morning I showed up twenty minutes late and I called Nicole to get everybody ready. Getting everybody ready consisted of making sure everyone, except Chubbs was ready to watch Chubbs die a little on the inside.
Everything was set up perfectly, the floppy that I had was exactly like the one Sean had entrusted me with. With the obvious exception that this one had its plastic connectors bitten down, the spring that holds the metal part together removed and the inner foil bent up to act as a spring. The labels were even switched for maximum hilarity.
As I entered the school I noticed that Sean was running around frantically, assumedly doing his work while the other seven members of the council were either:
A) Late
B) Doing nothing
This was my time to strike. We called Sean over and waited patiently, but he was too busy doing important stuff to stop off over where we were. We did the only reasonable thing, we wandered over to where we knew he would be most vulnerable, the doors of the gym. It was the perfect spot. If he was leaving the gym it could only mean he was done doing something important there and was on his way to something more important in the Staff Lounge, he would in a state of extreme urgency and we preyed on that like wolves on scurrying bunnies.
IV
Sean opened the gym doors and everyone locked into place. I got a sadistic, little grin on my face.
"Yo Chubbs, here's the disk you need."
Cue the disk throw. Slightly to his left. A perfect shot, it spun a little, like a frisbee and floated through the air with a grace and elegance that is hard to come by.
It hit his hand as he almost tripped reaching for it and I noticed that it remained intact. I was almost dissapointed.
It took what seemed like an eternity, but in actuality, was a mere split-second for the disk to hit Chubbs' shoulder and explode in a flurry of plastic and metal.
Sean stopped in his place. I have a feeling his heart stopped for a moment too. Absolutley flabbergasted Sean looked at the disk, looked at me and looked at the disk again. The look on his face was priceless. The kind of look one puts on when they're told that their whole family has died in a horrible accident involving a bass drum, a hamster and a themonuclear device.
Chubbs caught on soonafter when we could no longer hold in our laughter. He pointed at the remains on the floor, looked at me, shouted "THAT'S NOT THE DISK" and stormed off to the Staff Lounge, probably to cry a little.
Sean has not spoken to me since, unless it is a threat or is of monumental importance.
He is currently plotting his revenge, but is in fact, a total sucker and will never pull something so sweet on me.
I rock.
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| Breakfast of Champions |
[18 Aug 2006|02:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 snakes on a plane |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Soundgarden - Down on the Upside |
] |
by the way, snakes on a plane is the best movie ever made.
ever.
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| Dear Josh, Jesse and Gafni: |
[17 Aug 2006|02:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 COFFEE |
] |
| [ |
music |
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CAPITAL LETTERS |
] |
THE DISTANCE FROM TIM HORTON'S TO JESSE'S HOUSE:
6.2 KM
THE DISTANCE FROM JESSE'S HOUSE TO JOSH'S HOUSE:
7.0 KM
DISTANCE TO TAKE JESSE HOME WITH JOSH FROM TIM HORTON'S:
13.2 KM
THE DISTANCE FROM TIM HORTON'S TO ETHAN'S HOUSE:
4.5 KM
THE DISTANCE FROM ETHAN'S HOUSE TO JOSH'S HOUSE:
10 KM
DISTANCE TO TAKE ETHAN HOME WITH JOSH FROM TIM HORTON'S:
14.5 KM
THE DISTANCE FROM TIM HORTON'S TO JESSE'S HOUSE:
6.2 KM
THE DISTANCE FROM JESSE'S HOUSE TO GAFNI'S HOUSE:
7.5 KM
DISTANCE TO TAKE JESSE HOME WITH GAFNI FROM TIM HORTON'S:
13.7 KM
THE DISTANCE FROM TIM HORTON'S TO ETHAN'S HOUSE:
4.5 KM
THE DISTANCE FROM ETHAN'S HOUSE TO GAFNI'S HOUSE:
6.0 KM
DISTANCE TO TAKE ETHAN HOME WITH GAFNI FROM TIM HORTON'S:
10.5 KM
LESSON IS:
- IT IS FASTER FOR JOSH TO TAKE JESSE HOME THAN IT IS FOR GAFNI TO TAKE JESSE HOME
- IT IS FASTER FOR GAFNI TO TAKE ETHAN HOME THAN IT IS FOR JOSH TO TAKE ETHAN HOME
- JOSH LIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF GODDAMN NOWHERE
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[15 Aug 2006|11:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 gangstrrr |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Thingy. |
] |
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| The Night's Good For Thinking |
[08 Aug 2006|12:53am] |
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I walked home in the dark of night and gazed at the full moon.
I felt the brisk wind send shivers down my spine and I couldn't help but remember every single reason why I fell in love.
Goodnight,
Good Night.
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| Boring Monday |
[07 Aug 2006|11:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Manatee |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Some Cheesey Love Song |
] |
From Justin to Kelly is possibly the worst movie ever.
So bad that it doesn't have the "train-wreck effect"
Where something is so bad that I cannot look away.
It physically pains me to watch it.
Otherwise:
This link is only so I remember where I put these pictures when I want to reminisce in a few months.
Or if you want to see pictures from the Muse show.
MuseMuseMuse!
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| Dear Party, |
[09 Jul 2006|02:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Geology |
] |
You rocked.
Let's do that again sometime.
Brunch rocked too.
Laura totally rocks.
What a rockin' weekend.
Now summer school.
ROCK!
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| Thornhill Battle Of The Bands |
[31 May 2006|08:51pm] |
| [ |
music |
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The Tea Party |
] |
That went very, very well.
Who wants to give me a review or two?
otherwise: it was videotaped (along with Charlemagne's set [and INDS, i think, maybe?] and will be coming to a nearby Google Video when we get around to it.
Rock On, brothas.
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| No Way! |
[08 May 2006|10:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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NIN - WITH TEETH |
] |
Good Things that have happened recently:
- Laura is back from her trip!
- New Muse single is out, it's good. and okay. but nothing spectacular. Luckily, it's supposed to be the song with any pop element on the album. The rest are supposed to be the balls-out hard rock we came to know and love from Muse. Except the one thats jazz based.
- I'm getting over my sickness
- First band practice with new band went suprisingly well
- Like. Really, really well. It was awesome. Like really good. We sound awesome
- TONY FUCKING PIERCE LINKS TO ME
That should be all for now
Really! TONY PIERCE! This guy is my hero.
I really feel like I should write something meaningful up here and fish out the shit that's been filling here since the middle of... uhh. last year.
TONY!
PIERCE!
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| When I'm Lonely... |
[27 Apr 2006|10:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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me singing + guitaring |
] |
I write a ridiculous amount of music.
And every day, every song gets better.
Practice makes perfect I guess.
but I still wish you were back.
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| More Pathetic Fallacy |
[23 Apr 2006|06:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lethargic.sad.alone. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Can't Get Shot In The Back (If You Don't Run) |
] |
The two lonliest weeks of my life begin today.
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| This Just In At Pinkisthenewblog.com! Disturbing News!! |
[18 Apr 2006|08:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 We're All Gonna Die! |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Oh God! |
] |
Tuesday, April 18, 2006DON'T SPEAK! Katie Pops People.com is reporting that Katie Holmes has given birth to the demonspawn child of Tom Cruise today. The hatchling is female and has been named Suri Xenu L. Ronnette Holmes-Cruise.
Looks like Tom will be dining on placenta for dinner tonight ... further deets tomorrow. The gosspel according to TRENT, PREACH! Posted @ 7:17 PM</a> [ (52) Comments, y'all] [Permalink]
Cruise: I'll eat placenta
TOM Cruise has claimed he will eat the PLACENTA after fiancée Katie Holmes has their baby. The actor, 43 — who wants her to give birth in silence according to his Scientology cult rules — said: “I’m gonna eat the placenta, too. “I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.” But when a GQ magazine interviewer said it would be a big meal, Cruise replied: “OK, maybe I won’t.”
Gross. Source: The Sun Online
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